When He or She Asks about Exes

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Alright so let’s get this over with. I’m sure most of you reading this right have an ex….

Maybe it’s been five years since you’ve been in your last relationship, and you’re still holding a grudge against your ex. Maybe you’re still friends with your ex and talk on a regular basis – although I’ve never personally done this myself but I know many people who have. I personally don’t believe in being friends with an ex, that’s just my personal experience. I wish my exes the best, they’ve made me into the person I am today and if I ever see them in public which is very rare, I am always extremely cordial and respectful because non of my past relationships really ended on bad terms. Sometimes two people aren’t meant to be together and that’s completely okay. I think it comes across as a maturity thing, I have absolutely no hatred towards any of my exes and I really hope they’re doing well because they are great women.

Now, you may be wondering what to say when your current boyfriend or girlfriend brings up their exes or asks about yours. When I was younger I used to not want to talk about it. But,the older I get the more I realize that I really do believe it’s important to talk about your past relationships with your current partner. The reason being is: as two people really get to know each other they soon learn about the other person’s flaws. We all have flaws, no one is perfect. Which is what makes us human. I realized over time that certain idiosyncrasy’s I had in past relationships sometimes carried over to the next relationship I was in. It’s just a Power of Habit. Could be a good thing, could very well be a bad thing. It’s important to recognize though the way we behave and act when we are in a relationship with someone and why we do the things we do. Now, back to my main point if your current boyfriend/girlfriend asks about exes it’s always a good thing to talk about them in a positive light. Never bash or degrade your ex – it’s only going to show the current person your dating how you would treat them if the two of you didn’t work out. I always tell girls I’m dating, “Yeah, you know she was great and I grew so much from that relationship, but we just didn’t work out – it wasn’t meant to be.” It’s almost like when people ask you about, “why did you leave your company you used to work for?” A great response, “well you know I was enjoying what I was doing, but I didn’t find the work I was doing challenging and wanted to grow more personally and professionally.” Any experience you have in life with a job, friend, relationship, business partner is meant for growth. You learn about yourself, you learn about other people and you find the thing, idea or person that makes you tick.

To sum all of this up. Talk to your current boyfriend/girlfriend about past relationships you’ve had. I believe it’s a very healthy part of any relationship, and it will definitely make two people closer. You learn about why things didn’t work, and you learn about the wants and needs of the current person you’re dating.

7 comments on “When He or She Asks about Exes”

  1. Great post! Definitely a good thing to do if in a relationship. From experience, doing it while “trying to get the girl” can be a frightening experience for her depending on her past experiences. And while trying to do this, I think coming across as neutral is excellent. Definitely agree on not bashing your ex!

    Great post Will. Cheers.

  2. Hello 🙂 This is great advice & definitely agree. I do believe there is a grey area too if the past relationship was abusive, equally vital to be open & share aspects constructively however, painting a “yea they were great made me who I am today” probably won’t cut it. I’ve recently had this myself, previously I was able to share a positive experience, but unfortunately my last 4y relationship was with someone who thought my amicable split with my then Ex meant I harboured feelings & beyond that left me with PTSD. With my now bf I decided very early on it was important to talk through my feelings & experience and I am lucky he was absolutely truly amazing. This is great generic advice and I would absolutely welcome your thoughts on discussing an Ex when the relationship has been damaging as I’ve since learnt what I went through is more common than I ever realised 🙂

    1. Thanks for reading! Seems like you are with someone who really cares and is open and willing to learn about your past!

      -Will

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