Be the One in the Room Listening and Asking Questions


The one who says the least is actually the most powerful person. You may have heard this saying from someone or even read it somewhere, but I really do believe this to be true. Powerful innovators, entrepreneurs, big thinkers, etc. are sometimes the ones who are the most quiet in the room. They are the listeners, the connectors, etc. I tend to write about listening a lot because it’s something i struggled with for years and still do to this day within my personal life and professional life. Being able to listen is a very powerful skill that is learned over time. Most of us when talking with others are already thinking of what to say before the person even finished their sentence. I’ve done this, I know you have to. Let’s be honest, really everyone has done this at some point in their life, maybe even everyday. You’ve probably seen this in movies, but the last person to speak in a business meeting is a pretty powerful person, this also applies in real life as I have witnessed many times.

Let’s say you’re out with a woman for the first time, and for the entire date you were the one talking and just saying whatever you wanted not really giving her the chance to talk. How exactly do you think she’ll feel? One of the most important things to know and it took me awhile to learn this is that women want to feel heard. And if you’re not making her feel heard, she’s probably not going to feel anything for you, or even attracted towards you. Women connect on an emotional level, men converse using factual information. Here’s an example of a conversation between a woman and a man.

Him: “Hey so where did you grow up?”

Her: “I grew up in Philly, out in the suburbs.”

Him: “Oh, cool”

Her: “Yeah, it is pretty cool.”

This is what most guys are going to say usually. I know it’s a short simple example, but nothing is really added there to the conversation. Now, I want to show you an example of what I think a good conversation is with a girl, and how you can connect with her on an emotional level.

Him: “Hey so where did you grow up?”

Her: “I grew up in Philly, out in the suburbs.”

Him: “Nice, that’s awesome. What was it like growing up in your hometown?”

Her: “It was so much fun. I had a ton of friends that I am really close with to this day. We did a lot of cool things together growing up.”

Him: “Wow, that’s awesome. It sounds like you had a really fun childhood growing up. Do you ever miss being home?”

I think by now you should get the point. It’s like in sales, you build, build, and build on questions to ask until you spark some connection or answer in the person you’re talking with. It’s the same with women, ask questions and listen. Build an emotional response within her, she will remember you for that. Women don’t connect on factual information, or won’t feel a connection with a guy when they are talking with him. To summarize this up, be the one in the room always asking the questions. This will always apply to your personal and dating life!

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