Assuming in Relationships Will Lead to Resentment


I see this happening all the time, and I definitely have experienced this myself many times. But, when we assume things in our relationships about ourselves or the person we are dating, it will eventually lead to resentment. Resentment really starts all because of miscommunication between two people.

We assume that the other person is cheating on us, we assume the other person doesn’t like what we like, we assume our boyfriend/girlfriend is mad at us for something we did, we assume that we aren’t good enough for our girlfriend/boyfriend etc. You probably understand the point I am trying to get across, but assuming is just making these false assumptions in our heads because we are afraid to ask the questions or we find it hard to be honest with the person we are with. And, what happens is over time the longer we hold this stuff in, it just builds and builds and turns into resentment. Tony Robbins even said this himself that resentment is very difficult to turn around after you’ve gotten to that point in your relationship. I myself, have experienced this multiple times in my past relationships, which is extremely toxic to both people and will just lead you down a difficult path. I used to say things in my head such as “I wish she knew what I was thinking right now. Or, why doesn’t she understand where I am coming from. She’s probably out right now cheating on me or at least thinking about it.” All of these assumptions were just representations of the thoughts I had in my head. And one of the main reasons I had these thoughts was because I truly didn’t know how to voice my thoughts or opinions about certain situations. Over time this just built up and I ended up hating the girl I was dating. I didn’t enjoy being around her anymore. I didn’t even enjoy talking with her or caring about what she was doing. I really just pulled away, and that’s what most women and men will do when they get to the point of resentment in their relationships. They begin to pull themselves away without even really realizing it, and all it does is just lead down a toxic path for both people. Making assumptions about your relationship and assuming the worst case scenario will not benefit both people anyway at all.

It’s a human tendency we have to always think about the worst case scenario that could happen to us in our lives. “What if we lose our job, what if we get sick and get this terrible illness, what if we fail, what if we make an embarrassment of ourselves, what if we let our family down?” These are just a few phrases that I know you all have probably told yourself or maybe even consistently tell yourself often. I remember thinking even back to scenarios I would be in and often tell myself before I even started something, “This isn’t going to work out, there’s no way.” This could be a job, a relationship, a business, any risk you’re taking etc. These phrases will put you in a negative mindset, which will give you scarce results. Next time you find yourself in a new situation, try this “This may or may not work out but I am going to enjoy it and put 100% in with whatever I do.” Tell yourself this when you start dating someone new, because if you’re going into something and already communicating to yourself that it won’t work out, it probably won’t workout. Shift your mindset, be open to possibility, openly communication, and live in present with the other person.

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